I don’t much like to talk about myself…
Jesus! I like talking about Jesus.
And other people. I like to understand people/humanity. Actually, I want to understand pretty much everything. Well… kinda. I want to understand everything as a whole, at a basically universal scale (and bigger), and I also want to understand every little thing, how it works in its own right. What I don’t much care about (for the moment), is the stuff in between. I’d love to know about the internal workings of my body, or the mysteries of existence, but I don’t much care for anything’s efficiency or quantities.
This is seen quite nicely in my attitude to maths. I’m in the third year of my BSc in Maths, but I don’t really like numbers (except for number theory; love number theory), and I’m not great with them. So there’s a lot of maths, which really isn’t for me (which makes life a bit difficult). But then many areas of maths, are perfect for me: logical, undeniable, almost poetic. For me, statistics, physics, etc. are too small minded, at least on their own.
Actually now I think about it, I think this same feeling is present in my religion. I am a Roman Catholic convert (I used to be a protestant). I look at how God beyond all space-time, keeps touching each moment and place, in myriad ways. The minute is in the universal and the universal is in the minute. Above all, in Jesus eternity and time come together, creation and creator, God and man. We are in Jesus and Jesus is in us. I feel I’m expressing nothing, but I hope you can recognise what I’m trying to say.
And so I think you might be able to see why I don’t greatly like talking about myself. It’s all too small. But I love God in me.
What else… Politically, I want radical change. The society we live in is not only immoral, but illogical. Again, I want a society that is in harmony with both universal truth and the internal logic of humanity. What we have is neither. It has only the false logic of domination.
J.R.R. Tolkien is my favourite fiction author. A part of me wishes I were a bit more original, but that’s the truth. I’ve recently started reading Dostoevsky (I’ve read The Idiot and Crime and Punishment, which are both incredible, and hope to read The Brothers Karamazov as soon as I can), and he’s incredible too. He may well come to beat Tolkien for top spot (I kind of hope so- it would make me seem so much more classy). I really love reading.
I greatly enjoy reading theology and spiritual books, especially by saints. St. Therese and St. Francis are perhaps my favourites. I like some philosophy too, but again philosophy can sometimes feel seem small minded.
I sing. If you asked my housemates, they’d probably say too much. And dancing (I’m no good), and joking, and playing like a little child. It seems to me, that these are far closer to the heavens and express greater truth than many serious matters.
I don’t know where my life is heading. All I know is, I’m called to live in and live out the radical love of Jesus, in a radical way. I don’t know exactly what that means, except that my love must be unstoppable, no matter what; that it must be God’s own love.
I just want to belong to my God.
God bless you.