personal | As A Little Child

Today I did a reading in front of three thousand people, as part of my University’s carol service. I was a bit more than understandably nervous. It’s the very opposite of my comfort zone (my discomfort zone?).

(It was much darker, and much, much more full)

As I sat nervously before it started, the salvation army band playing, I took the opportunity to silently pray, offering the whole thing to God. I asked that it may be for us an encounter with Jesus. Then it struck me (he struck me) that I should read for Jesus himself! That he was with us (in our midst, but particularly at the very back of the Cathedral) listening. I was to read not as history, not as duty, not as story, but as speaking to my Love about my Love. And loving the three thousand overhearers because my Love lives them.

So I went up, silently offered it to God, and read. I was terrified. I spoke loudly, but I feel my heartbeat was still louder than my voice. I’m not sure if anyone noticed, but my leg began shaking a couple times. I shifted my weight slightly to stop it, and the other leg would start. But I read, and read with love, and I’m told I did well.

The Carol Service was absolutely beautiful. At many times I had to remember there were angels singing with us, in order to explain the beauty (always listen for the angels).

Happily I found afterwards, that my reading was in fact today’s Gospel reading for the feast of the Immaculate Conception. God is good.

God bless Us, Every One!

I’ve decided to change the name of this blog from, ‘JRahi’s words’ to, ‘As a little child’. In Mark’s gospel, Jesus says,

Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Amen I say to you, whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall not enter into it. [Mark 10:14-15]

When I was a child, I found these words very exciting and encouraging, and firmly decided that I would remain a child forever. Looking back, I wonder if such a joyful, confident and simple decision is a perfect example of receiving the kingdom as a child. I saw, I rejoiced, and I grasped.

I’m not sure how well I followed up that decision. I believe there were periods in my childhood of horrible, unchildlike pride. But I seriously value my childhood because of this verse, and trust greatly in my childish wisdom (it was when I tried to be wise like grown-ups that I became proud and foolish).

So I’m changing the name to ‘As a little child’, as a reminder of my decision and my call to always be a little child before God. The great danger of religion is pride. The grown-up way of learning is to listen, and then craftily deny in such a way that it looks as if you are accepting. But children listen in simplicity and accept. The grown-up way places barriers everywhere, forbidding people to come to Jesus, and limiting his grace. The childish way accepts, loves, and follows, and takes the hands of loved ones to lead them to him.

So I’m changing the name to rebuke my pride, and to recall the heart of the gospel. Please pray with me that it will do so, and that this blog will serve God under its new name.

Thank you and God bless you.